A Story of Innovations

Image Credit: WikiMedia

FloraPiss is a large corporate that manufactures and sells fruit juice in United Fates of Antarctica(UFA). One day while researching a method to preserve juices, one of their employer finds a way to carbonate water. Now from here let us see how our FloraPiss becomes the number one innovator using the fair and just patent system. As the great patent system is designed to provide incentive to innovator, to protect their financial interests and to encourage competition to innovate more, we can see how deep the altruistic and progressive system goes to save humanity!

FloraPiss files patent for "dissolving carbon-dioxide in water". So for next 20 years no other company can manufacture soda. FloraPiss starts to sell plain soda water (no sugar or flavor). A soda bottle costs 20 paise to produce but is sold for 20 rupees. It is completely legal and as there is no competition, FloraPiss gets its fair share of profit for the innovation.

There was a problem with packaging as the new drink blew up the existing cans and tetra packs, FloraPiss team innovated a tightly sealed bottle. Though they are already in use in paints and solvent industry, FloraPiss' unique innovation lies in the application of packaging soda. So another patent has been files for "using an air tight bottle with sealable caps to package edible items". WOW! Now nobody can use this innovation for another 20 years.

The employment agreement clearly says that "all inventions, improvements, innovations, discoveries etc during the tenure with the company, during or after office hours, inside or outside the office premises, belongs to the company". So in no way FloraPiss is supposed to give anything to the employee who accidentally carbonated water. But he was given a promotion, a bonus of one years salary and an appreciation mail from the VP and CEO with everyone in CC.

As the packaging patent was a team work, everyone in the team was given a salary increment and an appreciation mail from VP(that's all!).

The company demonstrated its love for the employees by this and there is no need to do anything further. Because it is the company that actually funded their recruitment, training, chairs they sat while inventing, table they placed the carbon-dioxide cylinder, the water, electricity etc. Without all these they would be beggars in the street or pizza delivery boys. So as the rightful owner of the "research" and investor of the "project" FloraPiss has no guilt attached to it like robbing them of their "inventions".

After 3 years, RedSquirt, a middle sized ketchup company uses air tight bottles to package their ketchup! How dare they are to infringe FloraPiss' patent? FloraPiss sues RedSquirt and the case drags for 4 years. RedSquirt goes bankrupt and FloraPiss gives it life by acquisition. A merger, "RedPiss" is born! FloraPiss acquires a new patent in this merger, "Twist to open". This innovation by an employee who worked for RedSquirt allowed sealable caps to be reused. FloraPiss forces him to sign an NDA and fires him after merger! They are the rightful owner of the IP now. How can a third-class employee claim ownership for it?

After 15 years, FloraPiss research team stumbles upon a way to add sugar to the soda. "Lot of R&D efforts and investments" were involved in the process as addition of sugar sometimes made the soda solution unstable and blew away the caps of the bottles. So FloraPiss also invest a lot in designing a good bottle design. They find a lighter, cheaper and more stronger alternate for the glass bottles. They use the plastic bottles which are already used in chemical industries with their acquired "twist to open" cap design. With this new innovative design, FloraPiss stars producing larger bottles. the cap can be reused and customers can pour some sweet soda, seal back the bottle air tight and keep it in their fridge! What an innovation. FloraPiss files a patent for "adding sweetener to soda water".

5 more years later, patent for soda water expires. DewyDrool, a competition adds aspartame to the soda water and starts to sell. As it infringes "adding sweetener to soda water" patent, FloraPiss sues them. But DewyDrool is also a large player like FloraPiss. They settle the case outside the court by cross-licensing. Now, FloraPiss can also produce "diet" soda and market them as "healthy" alternate to the sugary drinks. While DewyDrool can sell sugary soda as "energy drink". What a great leap!

FloraPiss and DewyDrool setup a non-profit independent body in to which other companies can join and get licenses. But there is a catch. They have to give some money to FloraPiss and DewyDrool, or give some of their patents to them in exchange. The patent will be evaluated for its worthiness by the "independent" body and any extra payment is settled. By this way, FloraPiss and DewyDrool has opened up their technology to fasten the progress in cool drink revolution!


Due to all the licensing fee, increase in shares due to near monopoly, law suits and greater profit margin, FloraPiss becomes a market leader and buys lot of companies. It even sets up some small proxy companies which hold patents acquired in due course and sue competitions without backlash. It is perfectly legal and within the limits of law! MBA students are inspired by FloraPiss CEO's BED-Talks and biography. FloraPiss becomes a ready-made theme for lot of inspirational stories and self-help books.

Meanwhile FloraPiss sues Floor-a-Piss, a chain of paid urinals where people pee directly on the floor, for trademark violation. Floor-a-Piss changes its name and settles the case outside the court.

Freemanistan is a nearby third world country where there are no patent laws to protect the "intellectual property rights". So FloraPiss is reluctant to start its business there! But new government in Freemanistan tries to establish trade contact with UFA. The problem is, there is already a market of soda water, sugary soda water, colored soda water, flavored soda water etc in Freemanistan. Actually soda water was in use in Freemanistan for last 200 years! So FloraPiss is afraid that once the trade opens, cheap import from Freemanistan will spoil its market share.

So FloraPiss and other such companies in UFA lobby their government to press Freemanistan government to sign trade treaties which enforces IP laws so that none of the UFA's corporates suffer due to the inhuman stone age laws of Freemanistan. UFA tries to do that but Freemanistan government refuses. So UFA enforces economic sanctions and trade embargo towards Freemanistan, which forces the Freemanistan government to involve in black market. Soon UFA backed "liberation army" start a "pro-democratic" revolution in Freemanistan and the government falls. The new "pro-democracy government" signs all treaties and agreements which opens room for patent laws in Freemanistan. FloraPiss buys most of the existing companies in Freemanistan and automates production, resulting in lot of job cuts. FloraPiss also acquires patents for sparkling wine, fizzy fruit juices etc in the process.

Later in Freemanistan, a new breed of companies headed by natives surface. Their tactics are no different than FloraPiss, yet the people worship them as their own innovators and an answer to UFA's aggression. Facebook posts and Tweets supporting domestic businesses and exposing foreign conspiracies are setup. Freemanistan companies also amass lot of wealth and goes exactly the same way as UFA companies from buying out smaller companies to lobbying the government to amend labor laws. Those who oppose Freemanistan businessmen are labeled anti-nationals.

There is really no way to tell the difference between the following:

• Pages by FloraPiss like companies that claim their products and activities are safe and legal
• Pages by NGOs like BlueCheese that claim soda causes cancer and autism and their factories caused tsunamis. (Soon FloraPiss will be certified as non-polluter by BlueCheese, while locals are labeled harmful)
• Pages by very few university professors, claiming FloraPiss factories discharge untreated water to rivers and their economic model resulted in unemployment and stagnation in cool-drinks industry.
• Pages by Freemanistan nationalists claiming that FloraPiss is backed by religious groups of UFA and they in turn fund conversion activities in Freemanistan. They also claim that soda causes fertility problems.
• Pages advocating the cholesterol-free organic soda, produced as per ancient sacred texts and that has unicorn amniotic fluid. They claim that it can cure all known diseases.

FloraPiss' production methods vary a lot in Freemanistan compared to UFA and causes lot of environmental problems. Some "pro-science accounts" in Facebook and Twitter expose the "stupidity" behind opposition to FloraPiss practices. They sacrifice some straw-men like BlueCheese and ultra organic soda movement on the altar of rationalism to silence these anti-science retards.

Whenever FloraPiss' tactics of forcing countries to sign trade treaties and deals using bribes, coercion and lobby is exposed, "notable economists" and "concerned citizens" bash anti-patent and anti-corporate voices, accusing them of copying and violation of intellectual property rights! How stupid and greedy these bastards trying to steal ideas and hard work of years!

People from UFA and Freemanistan like and share every post they "feel" true through their "personal experience" while enjoying a can of FloraPiss or PolarPee (Freemanistan's National Soda!). FloraPiss announces that Chandra Bai, Freemanistan woman (but UFA citizen!) as their new CEO. Freemanistan Social media celebrates it with posts narrating the greatness of Freemanistani people.

Meanwhile FloraPiss and PolarPee patent "organic soda" formulas and sue each other. Share prices fluctuate for both companies during every trail and judgement after which it will be taken to the next level of courts. Wolves of Ceiling Street make lot of money by speculating the market. Patent lawyers buy private islands.

A leak from Banana (a small nation in Indian ocean) reveals that many of the UFA and Freemanistan businessmen have hidden money in tax havens. Yet the governments come for their rescue saying that taking action against them will result in economic crash. As everything from savings to pension fund are linked to market, people "forget" the incident and move ahead with new movies and football matches.

Innovation continues not only in cool-drinks industry but also in every other industry from medicine to agriculture.